…today it’s my ‘stick it’ to the enemy.
as a worshipper and worship leader, i am hardwired to see my life through worship-tinted glasses. worship is adoration to my amazing saviour, clinging to my safe and comforting father, thankfulness for my god’s great love. and sometimes it is my weapon, my battle cry and my rebellious screaming and hitting of the air. a rebellion against an enemy who wants to destroy me.
back story: i have a bulging disc in my l5/s1 vertebrae that has cause intense and chronic nerve pain for over a year now. i was due to have surgery last week. it has been postponed twice due to emergency surgeries taking priority and the bureaucracy of the nhs. my mom has flown over from the states to help post-op. except i am still pre-op. this momma has been stressed, discouraged, despairing and highly anxious.
i called in some troops yesterday for support. my two sweet friends sat either side of me on my couch. one holding my hand, the other with her hand on my head and we worshipped. we worshipped together and i cried and connected. i connected with my dad. my father who loves me and knows me and loves my kids and has plans for me and is always working things to my good. he is amazing. i freaking love him and i am his. and he has my back and he is taking care of it. the lightness i felt at the end of that time was amazing. the peace was intoxicating.
i had forgotten. had been listening to the enemies doubts and my own fears of not being taken care of. i was being taken down. but not anymore.
worship is my weapon!
what do i do when i have prayed the same prayer for a week now? (god, please either heal me or get me into surgery!) what do you say to him when you know he heard and you know he is taking care of it but you dont know anything else? you worship. you tell him why you love him. you sit with him. you choose his joy over despair. you stick your middle finger up at the enemy and say, ‘i am going to worship through this’. so there.
try your best, im his and that aint changin. i am going to praise him through my confusion and choose trust over fear and i am going to be happy and joyful because i am his. and he is the best dad, in the whole world.