today is an unexpected and much needed gift to this nearly-full-term momma. a friend needed a lift to a nearby city for the day to complete a photography job and since my original plans to go to london for the weekend had to be cancelled due to signs of impending labour, i was able to give her a lift. which also means that i get to spend the day, or at least the better part of it, on my own. sheer bliss!
when i first mentioned it to richard he asked me if i really wanted to do it considering it might be my last day with him and the kids before our newest little man arrives. i love him and i love my littles. and yet, with no hesitation on my part what. so. ever. i said thanks so much for thinking of me, but i absolutely wanted to take the opportunity to sit on my own and write and study and read to my own schedule and just be me for a day. a luxury that i get for a few hours once a week due to his amazing-ness but will be put on hold for several months once this little one joins our sweet family.so today is for recharging. remembering that although being a momma is a huge part of my identity right now, i still have a unique individuality that needs feeding and nurturing to keep healthy. and that, i have realised maybe more than any one things since becoming a mother, is essential. if i do not look after myself, i have nothing to give. if i do not feed my heart, feed my soul, create, connect with god, think, learn or grow, i am not only cranky, but depriving them of the mother god gave them.
for whatever reason, god decided to give these little people to me. to put the nurturing of their hearts (partially) in my hands. not the woman across the street who is an accountant and loves to ski, or the one down the road who loves to sew and keeps an amazing garden, but to me. a woman who loves to read literature and write about what is in her heart and design beautiful spaces and spend her days listening to great music.
somehow those things, those things that are distinctly me, are part of how he wants to shape who they are. if i do not nurture those things in me, they miss out. they miss out on a momma who is alive, they miss out on the things i may teach them, they miss out on the creativity they may observe.
so for their sake–and of course mine!–i am taking every chance i can get to keep my heart alive. and today, i am loving it. sarah