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since when is failure a disqualifier?

i mean seriously people. we need to get our heads straight about this. or at least i do.

i have been letting this subject stew for a few days now–ever since rich laughed at me for agreeing to chat to a few of our dating/engaged friends together about trust and connectedness. don’t get me wrong, i get why he laughed. anyone who has ever talked to rich and i in the course of our 8 years together would have a little giggle at the fact that we got asked to give wisdom on that subject. namely because it has been the single most area of contention and pain in our marriage.

but that is exactly the point! is someone, who does not have an addictive bone in their body, the best person to get advice from when struggling from addiction? is a chronic workaholic going to find wisdom from someone who doesn’t care and never has really been that bothered at all about their career? maybe. in fact, the total opposite perspective is often the eye-opening moment where we realise that, indeed, life could be different than our experience.

but moving on from that moment, seeing real change in our lives, that is when wisdom is needed. and wisdom is not just another perspective. wisdom is a been there, done that kind of a thing.

you see, the laughing i got from rich was a, ‘what in the world do we have to say about that subject, we have failed miserably at it!’ in fact, after he finished cracking up, he said something not far off.

and he isn’t wrong…but he is. it hasn’t been the shining and sparkly area of our relationship. but man have we learned a lot. and if our 8 rocky years in this area can help some new loves just starting out to have only 4 rocky years. awesome. in fact, really awesome!

everyone knows that failing stinks. it doesn’t feel good. at all. i hate it just as much as the next guy, but what sounds like more fun: 1) make mistakes, beat self up constantly, live in shame about failures, or 2) make mistakes, beat self up a little bit (who are we kidding we are human), recognise that failures bring wisdom and when asked, offer that wisdom to others.

i like the idea that my screw ups can count for something. that there is hope and redemption in every situation. that i can be a part of my world moving from glory to glory.




  1. Pingback: May we all be failures. | Great Smitten

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